Monday, May 11, 2015

On living alone.

Truly, living alone is the best thing I've ever done for myself. I wake up [almost] every morning feeling ~too blessed to be stressed~. However, there are some occasional moments when I really wish I had a roommate, friendly neighbor, boyfriend (???) to help me live. These moments include:
  • When the smoke alarm goes off at 5 in the morning because I have to change the batteries for the THIRD TIME in less than a year. This is not normal, right? 
  • When the smoke alarm is too high to reach, even when I stand on a chair.
  • When I fall off that chair, and acquire a bruise that has lasted over 1 week and makes me look like TRAILER TRASH.
  • When I make myself a casual bacon and blueberry pancake-for-one breakfast on a lazy Sunday morning and set off the M-F smoke alarm that I STILL CAN'T REACH AND WAVING A BROOM DOESN'T HELP EITHER AND I'M REALLY SORRY, NEIGHBORS, BUT YOU SHOULD GET SOME EARPLUGS.
  • Fuck smoke alarms*, for real.
  • When it suddenly becomes 97 degrees in Boston and I can't put my air conditioner in on my own without killing myself and/or whomever may be standing below my window, most likely one of the drunk homeless people who spend all day smoking cigarettes in my courtyard.
  • Basically whenever I have to reach or lift things. 
  • After I get off the phone with AT&T "customer support" and sink into a deep, rage-filled depression.
  • And, of course, all those times I'm feeling wicked sexy:

*Editor's note: In college, I owned a cell phone that required me to name all my alarms. In other words, whenever my alarm went off, a message also appeared on the screen. I'll never forget the time I went on vacation with my friend's family and her dad woke up to my phone ringing and flashing the words "FUCK ALARMS". 

1 comment:

  1. I think my mother had those same smoke alarms for, like, a year and a half. We somehow tuned them out and then when my brother visited he was like, "is that normal? I like can't sleep. I have people getting stabbed outside my window I can ignore better than that!" You should train Boo to wake you if there's a fire, Lassie then you could just remove the batteries once and for all.


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