2. I asked him if I could call him "Jon", and he said yes. What a good guy.
3. Unfortunately, my alarm clock vagina-blocked me.
4. I think I can get on board with Catholicism when one of its major pillars is drinking.
5. Jesus is the original frat boy. People ran out of wine and he was like, DON'T WORRY, BRO, I GOT THIS.
6. If you're invited to a wedding with a plus 1, bring a good dancer and all the middle-aged women at the reception will come up to you and express their envy.
7. If throwing up on the side of the road is any indication of a good time, then the wedding I went to this weekend was the best.
8. My night started spiraling out of control when my friend called me from outside and said, "I can see you eating a cupcake."
9. When the reception is over, stop eating cupcakes and go home.
10. I'm not sure what I would do without such amazing friends. Special thanks to Cory and Lauren for making sure me and my phone got home safely.