Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Lessons from Tinder

So, I've had Tinder for about a week and I'm already ready to delete the app. It's so overwhelming. I'm convinced that guys like every single girl and then weed them out later. That's a fine strategy for them, but it floods my inbox with notifications and messages like, "sup?" Seriously, though? That's your lead in?




Here are some very insightful observations I've made during my limited time on Tinder: 
  • Everyone's name is Sean.
  • I didn't know there were so many fishermen in my demographic!
  • Men really love hiking, or at least that's the only time they take pictures.
  • FYI: I do not want to hike with you. Maybe once or twice, max.
  • I think I'm more of an indoorsy kind of girl. 
  • Food is the way to my vagina  heart.
  • Is it sexist that I judge men for taking selfies more than I do women?
  • Maybe I should just stop judging in general:



I am also a hypocrite.


  • Cats = automatic swipe right.
  • Nothing kills my boner like a misused semicolon.
  • Height is your defining characteristic?
  • You, sir, have elephantitis and should seek medical attention immediately.
  • WHY WOULD YOU EVER PUT A PICTURE WITH A TARANTULA? WHY, THOUGH? MY WHOLE DAY IS RUINED. THANKS.

I think that about sums it up. 

12 comments:

  1. misused semis definitely kill my boner too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. preach. proper grammar is direct access to my pants.

      Delete
    2. I "met" a "professional writer" who didn't know the difference between then/than. Fuck tinder.

      So many quotation marks.

      Delete
  2. If one more guy asks if I'll be his Tinderella I'm going to lose my shit.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bahaha tinderella. I'll be all y'all's tinderella.

      Delete
    2. BE SO HAPPY no one has asked you to be their Tinderella. they think it's clever as shit.

      Delete
  3. Haha I had Tinder for 10 days and fully intended to incorporate it into my blog. Then I realized it was weird and didn't know what I was doing with my life. THEN my good friend Brooke (Babbling Brookelyn) was over for dinner and I re-downloaded it after too much wine. It's now deleted forever (i hope). Good luck and get as many free drinks as you can without too much commitment / groping :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I expected more sex by now, but then I remembered I'd rather go to spin class than on an internet date.

      Delete
    2. don't listen to jessi she'll totes redownload it. I've downloaded then deleted it about 5 times now. and i've met guys from there. some are SUPER weird. and then some are kind of worth hooking up with.

      Delete
  4. Food is definitely the way to my vaginaheart too

    ReplyDelete

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