Wednesday, July 31, 2013


Last night, I went to one of those trendy paint nights, at which you're supposed to drink wine with your lady friends and do art and feel talented and accomplished at the end.  I chose to drink bourbon and accidentally mix all my colors together into a nice shade of poop brown, so you can imagine how great mine came out.

I find anything art-related incredibly challenging, mainly because I lack spacial awareness and also have Attention Deficit Disorder. I recently cried over a poster board because I couldn't write on it in a straight line. I also have never been able to identify where the center of a piece of paper is. I know there are things like rulers for that, but who has the time? Which brings me to my third problem with art: I just don't really give a shit.

So pumped about paint.

Sorry, everyone. I'd like to be cultured enough to say that I enjoy going to art museums and discussing paintings, but I get bored pretty quickly. I also get cynical. Like, why is this person making a million dollars for basically blowing up google maps and framing it? The only artist I've ever slightly cared about is Salvador Dali and that's mainly because I was required to write a paper about him in Spanish and also because he's fucking weird, which I have a thing for.

So yeah, obviously.

Anyway, our first step last night was to divide the canvas into nine blocks, which I failed at immediately. You know, on account of that whole spacial awareness thing. After that, I mostly followed the directions but soon stopped listening and started drawing cats instead.

You know how I roll. 


  1. Maybe this kind of art would be of more interest to you?

  2. I think I bought you crayons in college. Was that all just a sham? lol

  3. @Landlord: yes! that is perfect in a million ways. thank you.

    @Richard: haha you are absolutely correct. i totally forgot about that! not a sham, though, i promise. coloring requires no skill; that's why i like it.


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