This is the 3rd *recorded* time that someone who makes way more money than I do has STOLEN one of my jokes.
Instance 1: Circa 2006, I wrote a potential SNL sketch about the Virgin Mary finding out she's pregnant with God's child on the Maury Povich show.
Then this happened:
(Except in my version, God actually was the father, and he wasn't happy about it. Neither was Joseph. Trick ass hoe.)
Instance 2: While watching Rudolph this holiday season, I had a revelation that the story is really a social commentary on the plight of the Jews. Think about it. Rudolph is cast out because of his nose; the elf is snubbed for wanting to be a DENTIST. Concidence? I think not.
And neither, apparently, does Andy Borowitz:
What the M-F fuck?
There are only three possible reasons why this *keeps* happening to me:
1. Celebrities around the world are evesdropping on my conversations.
2. I have no copyrights nor anyway to prove that I said any of these things unless you trust the word of my friends (which you totally should).
3. I'm unoriginal (!!!!)
This is the darkest day.
Me: I'm just really upset right now because she has a hit show on HBO and I have a blog that 100 people read.
Meredith: You also have a basement apartment.
Me: I don't even have a basement apartment. I RENT a basement* apartment.