Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Dresses of Mass Destruction

I've been having a lot of problems with clothes lately. First there was the ski pant tragedy of 2012, and then I was  BRUTALLY ATTACKED by a dress at TJ Maxx.

I was really gung-ho* about wearing a sequinned dress on New Year's Eve, but little did I know that they are basically made of knives. I tried a few on and ended up with abrasions all over my body -- my legs, my stomach, even my boobs. Luckily no one sees those. Ever.

The lady in the dressing room was laughing at me while I stood there crying. Fucking rude. That shit was so painful. ABRASIONS, I said.  Since when is shopping so dangerous?  I feel like writing to Calvin Klein to let him know his clothes are actually weapons.

*What does this even mean?


  1. "Gung ho" was a chant used in China to get workers to move in unison when building things like the Great Wall. Later adopted by the US Marines in WW2. Not completely understanding the phrase it became applied to any enthusiast even though it literally translates into "work together"

  2. Calvin Klein is evil. I had a pair of mid-calf dress boots, and whatever the stitching was made of (seemed like kevlar) dug and then sliced into 2 layers of skin. Still have the scars on the sides of my legs. Talk about abrasions...


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