Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Baby Alive

I think one of the reasons I don't want children today is because the only doll I had growing up was fucking Baby Alive. This is the doll that poops and pees and you have to clean up after it. And that is supposed to be a fun activity for girls.

Meanwhile, little boys get to build spaceships out of Legos and blow up shit.  I'd like to consider myself a non-violent person, but I assure you, I'd still rather play with toy guns than wipe a plastic doll's ass.

Anime has taken over the world.

When I was little, I much preferred stuffed animals and Littlest Pet Shop to Barbies and pooping dolls, which could possibly explain my affinity for cats. (Apparently, I have no problem cleaning up animal poop. But, in my defense, my cat has never shit his pants, which I think is a lot more disgusting than a litter box.) Anyway, I've said it before, and I'll say it again: animals are better than babies.

So, perhaps Baby Alive could be used as a new form of birth control. You know, the kind of birth control you give to children.  Not only will it make them not want to have babies of their own, but it might also give them the self-awareness to know when to shut the fuck up. Does Baby Alive cry? I forget. But if it does, you should make your child carry it around a grocery store while it's crying and apologize to everyone on its behalf.  Talk about hands-on learning.

All I'm saying as that I think Baby Alive could really help slow the teen pregnancy rate.

Then again, I do really love Teen Mom. Ugh, such a conflict.

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