Anyway, since my birth certificate is now in my possession, I decided to take a good look at it. And while doing so, I noticed something interesting:
My immediate reaction to this was, "I was a fucking baby! Of course I was single."
I was pretty offended and upset, since being single-for-life is one of my biggest fears and it was apparently predestined at birth. But then I realized that what this section is really about is whether someone's a twin or not (I'm not).
Regardless, I started thinking about what being single-for-life would be like and actually thought of some potential benefits:
1) I'd save a bunch of money on wedding costs;
2) my husband would never rape little boys; and,
3) I'd avoid divorce.
Although, divorce was also something I was kind of looking forward to since I decided that it would be the only time in my life in which I'd allow myself to go to the Olive Garden again. Because getting divorced is really the only way I could ever justify eating 2,000 calories in one sitting.
Then again, after 6 years of living with each other, my roommates and I will finally be splitting up next summer. That's sort of like getting divorced, so maybe I could go back to the Olive Garden then.