Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Movies I've never seen that everyone gets mad about

  • E.T.
  • The Godfather
  • The Shawshank Redemption
  • Star Wars (any of them)
  • The Goonies
  • Schindler's List
  • Die Hard
  • Jurassic Park
  • The Sandlot
  • Speed

Movies I have seen several times:

  • Mean Girls
  • Alice in Wonderland
  • Stomp the Yard


Songs of the Year

Every year around this time, I post a list of my favorite albums, and no one really cares about it. This year, I'm switching it up and posting a list of my favorite songs that no one will really care about. Last year, I really fucked everything up by posting before Beyoncé surprised us with her self-titled album, so luckily, I can make up for it now because she released a couple singles in 2014.

Anyway, here they are, in no particular order, my favorite songs of the year:
  1. 0 to 100 - Drake
  2. Water Fountain - tUnE-yArDs
  3. Family - Fatima
  4. Flawless (remix) - Beyoncé ft. Nicki Minaj
  5. Coffee -Sylvan Esso
  6. Blank Space - Taylor Swift

     7. 1936 - PHOX
     8. Keep On Lying - Jessie Ware
     9. i - Kendrick Lamar
     10. Two Weeks - FKA twigs
     11. Goddess - Banks
     12. Springful - Adult Jazz

Honorable mention: "Often" by The Weeknd, but only because I shamefully listened to it so many times. 

Monday, November 24, 2014


On Friday, Beyonce released her video for 7-11, and since then I've watched it no less* than 2 million times.


God, it's so amazing. I want to be her friend so badly. I want to dance in my underwear with her. I want to jump out of boxes next to Christmas trees. I want it all! IMAGINE IF YOU CELEBRATED CHRISTMAS WITH BEYONCE?!?!?!?

The point is, watch 7-11 on repeat until I tell you to stop.

Fresher than you.

Speaking of 7-11... when "Drunk In Love" first came out, I was convinced she said: "Park it in my lot, 7-11." But she does not. She says something in French, or something. Does anyone know what I'm talking about?

[Verse 2: Beyoncé]

We be all night, and everything alright 
No complaints for my body, so fluorescent under these lights 
Boy, I'm drinking, walking in my l'assemblage

I'm rubbing on it, rub-rubbing
If you scared, call that reverend

What the fuck is l'assemblage? (Don't tell me to google this.)

I've been overtly wrong about lyrics many times. For example, for at least 20 years, I thought Alanis Morissette said, "Cross-eyed bear", not "Cross I bear", in "You Oughta Know". I totally envisioned her bitterly giving Uncle Joey an unfortunate looking teddy bear to get back at him for breaking up with her.   (Again, does anyone know what I'm talking about? Ever?) It was only this year that I learned the truth. So much of my life was a lie, you guys!

Apparently, I was not alone.

More recently, I fully believed Drake said, "I could $*%@ you so good then I hit you with the 9am McDonalds how you like". You can't even imagine how disappointed I was to find out he says "9 am to Dallas", not McDonalds. Fantasy destroyed.

Lastly, in the beginning of the Nintendo video game, Mario Party, there is a screen that just says "Nintendo" in bold letters, and in the background Mario yells the word, "Nintendo". (I'm just going to say "Nintendo" one more time for good measure.)  But the thing is, I thought Mario was yelling "Wingando" - just a nonsensical sound, I guess. And so every time I played the game with my friend, Chris, I would yell "WINGANDO" at the TV, until I was finally corrected. But, like, it said "Nintendo" on the screen, though.

Listening comprehension: not my strong suit.


Tuesday, November 18, 2014

How I feel about Crossfit

[Since I've probably already lost a bunch of readers on account of my previous post, what's a few more?]

Me: Whenever I see pictures of people doing heavy squats at Crossfit, all I can think of is their asshole literally falling out of their body. Do you know what I mean?
Friend: Yes, I know what you mean. But also, I think Crossfit is a cult.
Me: Probably because once everyone's asshole falls out, no one else will be friends with them.

Gone Girl (Warning: Contains only spoilers)

When Gone Girl came out in theaters, multiple people reached out to me to see if I had seen or read it because they thought that, as a feminist I'd hate it, or as a feminist I'd love it. I had not seen nor read it, but this conflict in opinions intrigued me and I love reading things that could lead to a hearty feminist rant. Luckily for you, Gone Girl did just that.

SPOILER ALERT: Everything I'm about to say is a spoiler. 

Gone Girl capitalizes on the age old tale of girl accuses boy of rape (and/or murder) because he hurt her and women are irrational and vindictive. I'm sure that this has happened before, but certainly not as often as rape culture would have you believe. What I hated most about this book was that it exploited this myth about sexual assault. This is a story about a mentally unstable individual. The problem is that this story has been projected onto too many victims of sexual assault, minimizing their experiences and disregarding their claims.

We're living in an age where every asshole on the internet thinks it's their responsibility to write critical analysis of every piece of entertainment (present!). They (we) can find a problem with everything. They (we) focus only on these negative aspects until everyone is exhausted and annoyed and no one wants to listen to them (us) anymore. So, is it just dramatic of me to criticize Gone Girl like this? Maybe. But you know why I am?  Because a woman sitting next to me on the plane looked over at me, noticed I was reading Gone Girl, and immediately said, "Everyone should read that book before they get married. Women are crazy." 

Blanket statement: Women are crazy. Now I don't know this person. She could be dumb idiot. But I wouldn't be surprised to hear that a large portion of people had the same reaction when they read this book because "women are crazy" is a cultural message we receive all the time. It's a message that perpetuates rape culture - it makes victims afraid to speak up and it allows perpetrators to get away with sexual assault. It makes people believe that 13 women would only accuse Bill Cosby of rape because they want to get something out of him. Because no one that nice would do such a thing to 13 different people. Because women are crazy.

Let me be clear, Gone Girl is not about women being crazy. It's about one specific woman with mental illness. But that's not the message we get. 

Monday, November 17, 2014

Things I learned this weekend

  • Who run the world? Knowles'.

  • You might be so busy while you're at a conference about student loans that you forget to pay your student loans.
  • My colleague reminded me that he follows me on snapchat, which makes me wonder if he's enjoying all the videos of my singing to my cat.
  • I give really helpful clues during Heads Up such as, "Daenerys has these, but they're real!" (Answer: dragonflies), and "I want to be one in my next life!" (Answer: seagull).
  • While I think all birds are despicably heinous, I also think it would be pretty cool to fly and eat fresh shellfish and french fries all day.
  • Sometimes I get so into games, I accidentally throw a glass against the floor.

  • I think I would do well in Japan on account of its cuisine and also its affinity for cats.
  • Did you know that in Japan there are pictures of cats on everything, even construction signs?
  • Cats are very important to the Japanese.
  • Japanese girls can get away with wearing cat accessories while I am explicitly SHUNNED if I do so.
  • This weekend I not only purchased a cat hat but also a little skirt with hearts all over it because fuck the man, am I right?

  • You can get a haircut at The Hair Cuttery for less than $20.
  • You can also listen to the hair dresser talk about her boyfriend who has never told her his real name or occupation and who may or may not be sleeping with her coworker because he messaged her on tinder.
  • He has hundreds of Gucci bags under his bed, you guys. HUNDREDS.
  • The hair dresser is dating a drug-dealer. 
  • I really, really love my friends. They are the best, and I am so lucky to have them. It's important to me to tell the world that every so often.

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Things I learned this weekend

1. If the woman sitting next to you on the plane won't get up so you can go to the bathroom, you'll have to climb over her, but at least she'll USE HER HANDS TO GUIDE YOU.
2. I've never heard more Michael Bolton in my life than during my three day stay at a Sandals resort.

3. When you go to a couples resort alone, every single male employee will hit on you.
4. Everyone else will say, "You're here alone? Just asking because this is a couples resort."
5. The ocean is really cool. Way cooler than space. There, I said it.
6. Sometimes you drink as much as everyone else and they are totally drunk, but you are totally fine, so you're like WHAT DOES IT MEAN?
7. I spent the majority of my sister's wedding reception hiding behind a table while everyone fed this huge ass M-F peacock. But, like, why would you do that, though?


8. Gone Girl is dumb. Stay tuned for more of my thoughts (and spoilers) on this topic.
9. Some people who get English Teaching degrees become professors and work at schools that send them to conferences in Jamaica.
10. I am going to a conference in Lowell this week, so.

Thursday, October 30, 2014

Beauty Tips

Hahaha, I'm laughing out loud at the idea of my writing this, since you know:

But, apparently, readers like to know where bloggers get their clothes and make-up and how they do their hair. I'm assuming this really only applies to bloggers who care about what they look like and also post pictures of themselves standing in front of a mirror in their office's bathroom with the caption #OOTD, but I need something to write about, too, you guys! So let me tell you about what I use to accomplish that look above.

Soap: I recently made the switch from body wash to bar soap and I am not turning back. I know you're judging me a little bit. Who uses bar soap other than your grandparents and inmates, right? But listen, it's great. I used body wash for the greater part of my life because that is what women do, but I also always felt a little disgusted by loofahs, as everyone should. Think about it -they just sit in your damp, warm shower all day growing fungus and then you pour some scented chemicals on it and rub that shit all over your body. That's fucking gross, you guys. Admit it. Now, I actually feel clean when I get out the shower. This is a feeling I actually never really knew before because I was washing myself with fungus for so long.

Lotion: I'm obsessed with lotioning. One of the best things about living alone is that I can casually walk around my apartment naked after applying lotion and just let it really sink in. Lotioning is very important, ladies. Lotion daily. Lotion always. And this is where you can make up for not using body wash because lotion smells good and makes your skin soft but you're still actually clean underneath.

Make-up: I buy all of my make up at CVS because I am middle-class and reasonable. What are you guys doing spending all that money on MAC? No one can fucking tell what you're wearing.  My eye liner costs literally $3. I'll probably get some kind of eye disease later in life from using it, but it's $3!  Worth it. I do splurge on lip-stick, however, mostly because I like to get it from stores that let you try it on first, which you absolutely cannot do at CVS - trust me on that one, I've been reprimanded by CVS employees more than once.

Nails: The other day, multiple people commented on how great my nails looked, and I was like "$1.99, son". Or something along those lines. I started doing my own nails in January when I finally recognized what a M-F waste of money it is to get manicures (which I used to get, nearly weekly, for many many years).  I confess that I have to paint my nails 2-3 times a week in order to keep them looking good, but I have a lot of time on my hands these days. There is a pun in there somewhere.

Hair: The secret to my hair is not giving a fuck. I wash it and condition it and sometimes maybe I'll even brush it, too. Sometimes. I operate under the belief that not brushing my hair makes it look better, but perhaps it's just that laziness prevails over all. I will say the downside of this method is that I'll probably never experience the romance of someone running his fingers through my hair since they would just get trapped in there.

Clothing: Almost every day, I wear some combination of a t-shirt and blazer look. That t-shirt could be an actual t-shirt, or it could be a dress, but whatever it is it probably cost less than $15. Here's my fashion tip: everything I've purchased from "nicer" stores like Banana Republic, for example, has fallen apart in less than a year, so why not just buy something cheaper that will also fall apart in less than a year? Pure economics.

Business cat-ual.

Accessories: None of my ensembles are complete without cat fur (or a cat hat).  But seriously, that shit is relentless. All the money I save on make-up goes toward lint rollers and, still, I'm covered in fur. Consider it endearing.

The bottom line here is that I'm cheap. But also:

Monday, October 27, 2014

Things I learned this weekend

1. I appreciate my job a lot more when it involves wine and pizza and 3:30 p.m.
2. The texts from your ex instagram account is addicting.

3. I think "I hope you explode" might be the best comeback of all time.
4. You might think a talk about sexuality in young adult literature would be interesting, but it's not.
5. Tupelo in Inman Square has some bomb ass fried chicken.

6. I do not know how to pronounce Tupelo.
7. Or spell clothespins.
8. I swear I'm really very intelligent most of the time.
9. There are some wise slam poets from Berklee who say things like, "Judgment is pointless when we have the ability to ask and understand."
10. Beyonce is coming out with a new line of active wear. I can't wait to look so fierce on the elliptical.
11. Diwali might now be my favorite holiday.

12. Whatever those donuts-covered-in-honey things are -- I need them in my mouth at all times, basically.

Friday, October 24, 2014

A Day in the Life

This is a thing bloggers do, so I'm doing it. Here is a day in the life of Katie Que, specifically, Thursday, October 23, 2014:

  • Wake up circa 7 am, put on music, sing in the shower. Wonder if my neighbors hear me and consequently hate me for it. 
  • Actually I don't care at all. No one is friendly here and I'm still harboring resentment against the entire building because of that one person who STOLE my book.
  • Song choice:
  • Man at the bus-stop tries to talk to me. I wish I wasn't such an asshole, but seriously, stop, thanks.
  • Get to work and eat breakfast. I finally figured out a way to peel a hard-boiled egg that doesn't take 15 minutes. I consider this a victory.
  • Sit in my office for a while and do work-related things but definitely also spend a lot of time on Twitter.
  • One of my programs isn't working but I don't understand why. I try to explain this to my IT person but he's never even heard of this program because literally no one here knows what I do.
  • Become visibly overwhelmed because I don't like talking about computers with IT people because I don't know how they work. I swear I am only 28.
  • IT man reassures me, "Don't worry. You are a really smart person."
  • The program is magically fixed. I go back on Twitter.
  • Take a quick break and go to the gym. All the towels are "in the dryer". All the towels are always in the dryer.
  • There is no hot water in the locker room, yet again. I huddle in the corner of the shower and stick one body part into the water at a time.
  • The appeal of my free gym is fading rapidly.
  • My colleague and I decide to take our afternoon meeting out of the office to a cafe. I decide that all meetings should be held at cafes from here on out. 
  • The fire alarm goes off and we are required to evacuate. I decide that all meetings should abruptly end like this as well.
  • It's 5 pm! I more or less run out of my office.
  • There is a man on my bus who looks like a husky version of Jon Snow. I begin hyperventilating.
  • He gets off the bus. I am already over it.
  • I did a terrible job grocery shopping this week and have nothing at home to make for dinner. I go to CVS and buy overpriced tortilla chips, guacamole, and kit-kats. Only god can judge me.
  • I also really want wine, but it's like Noah's Ark outside right now, so I can't bring myself to go to the liquor store TWO blocks from my apartment. 
  • There is one lone beer in my fridge. This will do.
  • My nightly 1-3 hours of snacking period commences. 
  • I break shortly to take selfies with my cat.
  • Fuck! I missed Jeopardy! because of Thursday Night Football. Thursday Night Football is dumb. It's bad for everyone. It's bad for the world.
  • Start reading Gone Girl. Amy describes what it is like to be 32 and single. I think to myself, FML.
  • That's it. Time for bed. ✌️