Monday, September 22, 2014

Some things.

Just two short years ago, this blog was born. Since then, it has grown and died and grown and died again. It's on life-support, currently.  What a dramatic, short life, but would you expect anything else from me?

Happy birthday!

Those cupcakes were from the Beyonce brunch I went to yesterday. I suppose there was no better way to celebrate my blog's birthday than by celebrating Beyonce. What is a Beyonce brunch, you say? Well, it's basically 2 hours of Beyonce's videos accompanied by Beyonce-themed dishes, such as the Blue Ivy French Toast and the Upgrade U cocktail (a mimosa with sugar on the rim). Back Bay Harry's was brilliant to come up with such an idea. I'd like to recreate it at home with better eggs.

Here are some other things I've been doing when I am not writing ever:

  • going to weddings
  • throwing up on the side of the road after those weddings
  • picking apples
  • making cookies
  • yelling about football
  • winning fantasy every week* #bowdownbitches
  • knocking on wood 
  • watching a lot of Netflix
  • dreaming about Kit Harington
  • avoiding dating 

I did go on the worst date ever a few weeks ago (hence abstaining from any others), which I've been debating telling you all about since anything I say would amount to public shaming. But as Anne Lamott once said...

"If people wanted you to write warmly about them,
they should have behaved better."

So maybe you'll get lucky.

Oh, also, I'm going to be a dragon for Halloween. I'm not quite sure how, since I have minimal-to-no crafting skills, but it's going to happen.

*Editor's note: I just realized my opponent has a player playing tonight, so I spoke too soon about winning fantasy every week. #fingerscrossedbitches

Monday, September 15, 2014

Things I learned this weekend

1. I had the most spectacular dreams about Kit Harrington last night.
2. I asked him if I could call him "Jon", and he said yes. What a good guy.
3. Unfortunately, my alarm clock vagina-blocked me.

4. I think I can get on board with Catholicism when one of its major pillars is drinking.
5. Jesus is the original frat boy. People ran out of wine and he was like, DON'T WORRY, BRO, I GOT THIS.
6. If you're invited to a wedding with a plus 1, bring a good dancer and all the middle-aged women at the reception will come up to you and express their envy.

7. If throwing up on the side of the road is any indication of a good time, then the wedding I went to this weekend was the best.
8. My night started spiraling out of control when my friend called me from outside and said, "I can see you eating a cupcake."
9. When the reception is over, stop eating cupcakes and go home.

10. I'm not sure what I would do without such amazing friends. Special thanks to Cory and Lauren for making sure me and my phone got home safely.

Tuesday, September 9, 2014


I'm not surprised by Ray Rice's actions. I'm not surprised by the NFL's non-reactions. This has been going on in the NFL, in America, for decades. Women are abused and we turn a blind eye. People are shot. Children are raped. Dogs are killed. And we pretend it didn't happen. We cheer for these men. We award them trophies. We put them in the hall of fame.

The gross number of people who are blaming Janay don't understand the complexities of domestic violence. More so, they don't understand how they have been groomed to victim blame. Janay Rice, who was punched in the face by her then fiance, is blaming herself -- that shouldn't excuse Ray Rice's behavior, that should make it all the more disturbing.

It s saddening that she feels the need to excuse and defend the man who beat her. It's saddening, but it's not surprising. It's not surprising when her husband is so threatening he is violent. It's not surprising when her husband is the one continually supported and protected by the very rich and powerful men of the National Football League. It's not surprising when thousands of fans have also come to his defense. The fact that this woman feels the need to defend the person who has brutalized her is a troubling result of our culture, a culture that puts the responsibility of abuse on the victim. Janay is not unlike the girl who is raped at a party and feels like it is her fault because she had been drinking. Women are told over and over again that it is their fault.

If you want to feel truly sick, search Ray Rice on twitter and read all the thousands of tweets from men and women across the country who agree that it is her fault. We all saw the video tape, and yet we can find a way to justify Rice's behavior? If so, then Rice isn't the only one responsible, here. We are, too. We are also responsible if our reaction to that tape is to blame the person who was knocked unconscious and then dragged across the floor by the man who loves her.

Thursday, September 4, 2014

The Book Thief*

Last night, I finally felt like I lived in Allston: I waited 45 minutes for the bus, a building down the street from mine was on fire, and someone stole my mail.

In all seriousness, the fire was terrifying, a 9-alarm blaze that lasted hours. Luckily, no one was seriously injured, but now roughly 50 people are homeless. I am currently browsing the internet for renter's insurance.

Back to more selfish things, I am enraged about this mail theft, you guys. I preordered the How Sweet It Is sure-to-be amazing cookbook, Seriously Delish, which I believe she may or may not have signed for me.

If you don't know, Jessica of, is one of my favorite bloggers. Her writing is real and accessible, and her food is beautiful and decadent and, more importantly, always covered in cheese. Well, my copy of Seriously Delish was said to be delivered to my apartment yesterday, but I didn't receive it. Apparently, someone signed for it using the name "Jeshall". Um...

So yeah, I'm pissed. If I don't get my MF book back, I'm going to kick some ass and/or leave another passive aggressive note in the mail room that says:


*Misleading title.

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Things I learned this weekend

1. When hiking, it's pointless to try to get the view in the background of your selfie. Just look at it instead.

2. If you go to a cookout with MIT students, you'll hear things like, "Paramecium are the sickest cells. They have fucking tails."
3. I am considering having children just so that I can justify doing things like riding a carousel and going down slides as an adult.

Failed attempt at art.

4. After living here for 6 years, I finally visited the Boston Harbor Islands. They are lovely.

5. On Georges Island, my friend and I met a Hispanic family that spoke absolutely no English but were adamant about sharing their crabs with us.

6. All the periwinkles were dead.

7. Are those actually called periwinkles, or did I make that up?
8. The Landing segregates its drinks.

9. When you live in Allston, you overhear people saying things like, "His alcoholism is charming."
10. I am proud to publicly (and alliterately) proclaim that I love Ariana Grande's album. All of it.

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Fantasy Draft

Last night was my fantasy draft. Unlike last year, when I spent hours researching players and earned an A+ draft only to come in second to last place, this year, I wung it and ended up with a solid B grade and a projection to finish first in the league. But I think Yahoo! is just getting my hopes up, and I want to keep my expectations incredibly low, like when I go on dates.

Fantasy football drafts are hard for me. For one thing, I morally refuse to draft rapists, which really limits my options, since the NFL is a classy group of people. Secondly, I feel superstitious about drafting Patriots. For instance, I was so close to getting my main man Edelman (WE TALKED ON TWITTER ONCE), but then I was like, if I take him and he gets hurt, it's going to be my fault.  So, I am happy to say I have not one Patriot on my team. This is good for multiple reasons.

And so it begins. And by that I mean the rage and elation that I experience during football season and project via social media. I apologize in advance.

Monday, August 25, 2014

Things I learned this weekend

1. Allston Christmas is upon us.

2. There is a fine line between "gentleman" and chauvinist. Walk it carefully, fellas.
3. Do not ever text me at 2 in the morning. I'm about to blow up a lot of people's spots on the internet. This is your warning.

4. I just walked over a mile in basically pajamas because that is how important real Jewish bagels are.
5. I should hang out in Brookline more.
6. Water lilies are an endangered species, which is why you shouldn't pick them.


7. If you go hiking with me, you'll eventually get to the right trail, you just might have to cross a highway first.
8. You'll also have a good chance of seeing me half-naked in the woods, since I always have to pee.

9. OkCupid might not work out for you dating-wise, but you could get a cat-sitting job out of it. 
10. Beyonce's VMA performance was a spiritual experience for me. I hope it means we can stop talking about her marriage and resume talking about how she is a MONARCH. 

Friday, August 22, 2014

Book Worm.

I stole this from Making Melissa. Any excuse to post something I don't really have to write, right?

Author you've read the most books from:
Most likely Ann M. Martin since I was in the The Baby-Sitters Club Book Club as a child.

Currently reading:
Bad Feminist - Roxane Gay
The Blind Assassin - Margaret Atwood

Drink of choice while reading:
Water and sometimes beer. I've read at the bar a few times...

E-reader or physical book?
Yeah, fuck the Kindle, okay? I had one for approximately 1 year and 1 day and it just stopped working. When I called Amazon about it, they said, "Okay, so, like, here's what you can do: You can buy a new Kindle for $89.95." Nope, peace. I am back to turning pages like the olden timey days.

Fictional character you would have probably dated in high school:
Holden Caulfield because we would have been so emo together.

Glad you gave this book a chance:
The Bible. Shit is so sexy, you guys.

Hidden gem book:
I'll have to go with The Astonishing Life of Octavian Nothing, only because I loved it and don't know anyone else who has read it.

Important moment in your reading life:
  • Maybe that time I proclaimed in class that Daisy Miller was a "faux lesbian", aka the kind of girl who makes out with other girls at the bar for attention.
  • Or that time my professor explained the meaning of the Shakespearean term "meat slapping" and visually demonstrated it with her hands.

Just finished:
The Bell Jar. I had never read it before. It felt incredibly relevant minus the suicide part.

Kinds of books you won't read:
Ones with high heels and/or lipstick on the cover.

Longest book you've ever read:
The Old Testament.

Major book hangover because of...
Harry Potter. I never wanted it to end. The other day, I saw a girl reading it on the T and I felt envious.

Number of bookcases you own:
Just one. Most of my books are strewn around my apartment because I live in CHAOS.

One book you have read multiple times:
Heart of Darkness. Read it no less than 5 times in college (English major FTW).  The first time I hated it. The second time I hated it. The third time I was like, hmmm. The 4th time I was like, okay, yes. And by the 5th time it became one of my favorite books.

Preferred place to read:
In my bed next to my cat.

Quote from a book you've read that inspires you:
"If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense."

Reading regret:
Beautiful Ruins. God that book was so fucking awful. I blame NPR.

Series you started and need to finish:
The Hunger Games. Not sure if ~need~ to finish is the right thing to say. It ~needs~ to be re-written first. BOOM.

Three of your all-time favorite books:
  1. The Handmaid's Tale
  2. Jane Eyre
  3. The Poisonwood Bible
Unapologetic fangirl for...
JK Rowling

Very excited for this release more than all the others:
Seriously Delish, from how sweet eats, obviously.

Worst bookish habit:
Feeling like I have to finish a book even though I hate it.

Your latest book purchase:
The Blind Assassin - $5, used.

The last book that kept you up way late:
The Book Thief. Tears beach.

Thursday, August 21, 2014

I am a hypocrite.

I've been thinking about posting this for a while, but I haven't because I'm embarrassed. I talk a lot about body acceptance, about ending fat talk, about valuing who you are over what you look like. But I haven't been practicing what I preach. 

I am a hypocrite.

While I do believe these things - that fat talk is destructive, that society's standards of beauty are outrageous and unattainable, that every body is beautiful - I believe them for everyone else, except myself. To my disappointment, I cannot internalize these beliefs. 

I started a crusade to stop fat talking mostly for myself, admittedly. I thought if I could actively prevent and/or ignore fat talk around other people, I'd ultimately change the way I thought about myself. And I do think it's helpful, for myself and for others, but I still haven't reached contentment. Being satisfied with what I look like is the biggest (privileged?) challenge I face every day. 

A few months ago, I threw away my scale because I had an unhealthy obsession with weighing myself. And for a while, I lived in ignorant bliss. But one quick trip to the doctor caused me to instantaneously revert back to old habits and negative thoughts. It's alarming how much of an effect that arbitrary number has on my brain.

Since then, I've been trying to balance my unnecessary need to be at my "goal weight" and my proclamation that weight doesn't matter. Why does it matter? Even the idea that your weight should be a goal, an achievement, is dismaying. And yet while I outwardly say that, I've internally subscribed to this norm. Upon leaving the doctor's office, I re-downloaded myfitnesspal; I browsed scales on Amazon; I made a meal plan for myself. I bought a fitness DVD. I don't even have a DVD player! Insanity.

Quite obviously, I have a very hard time living inside two extremes. I have always been all or nothing about everything, but especially food and diet. And neither extreme is pleasurable. I either feel indulgent and out-of-control, or stressed and disappointed. 

Social media is no help. With an incessant focus on pictures, and crossfit, and juice cleanses, and food shaming, it only exacerbates the problem. But it's clear I'm not the only one dealing with these issues considering the prevalence of the aforementioned fixations. We seem to all be dealing with body image issues - no matter our size or age or gender. That's partially comforting, but mostly sad. 
"It makes perfect sense that many of us obsess over our bodies. There is nothing more inescapable. Our bodies move us through our lives. They bring pleasure and pain. Sometimes our bodies serve us well, and other times our bodies become terribly inconvenient. There are times when our bodies betray us or our bodies are betrayed by others. I think about my body all the time -- how it looks, how it feels, how I can make it smaller, what I should put into it, what I am putting into it, what has been done to it, what I do to it, what I let others do to it. This bodily preoccupation is exhausting."   -Roxane Gay, Bad Feminist
If I could have one wish granted, it would be to live the rest of my life not thinking or worrying about what I look like. That would be my one and only wish. I realize how selfish that is, but on the bright side, if that wish came true, I would have plenty of time and energy to spend on other people. So actually, maybe I'd wish that for all people. 

Imagine all the things we could do if we weren't so preoccupied with our appearance. 

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Things I learned this weekend

1. The room I stayed in at the Brandon Inn can only be described as my grandmother's guest room that was designed in the 70s and remained/smelled the same ever since.

2. Nature is pretty cool sometimes.

3. I'm in the planning phase of developing Crotchless Spanx. Note that trademark. Don't even think of stealing that shit.
4. Do think of donating to my kickstarter, though.
5. Crotchless Spanx will come in a variety of colors to perfectly match your skin tone.
6. I'm hoping Cover Girl TruBlend will want to sponsor this endeavor.

Easy, breezy, beautiful.
(emphasis on breezy because they'll be crotchless)

7. If this idea fails, I'm going to develop a game for men to play in bar bathrooms. Picture the water gun carnival game but with urine.

8. I should work on that pitch.
9. Weddings have become my hobby. Good thing that are pretty effing fun.

10. I literally need to be taught how to Dougie. This would have come in handy before wedding season.
11. If a daddy long-legs is crawling toward you, a good friend will throw a piece of wedding cake at it to protect you.

12. The other night, I had a dream that Boo had a JOB as a HALL MONITOR for OTHER CATS. It was the cutest M-F thing that has ever happened in my imagination. And yes, I know exactly what this says about me.

Picture him with a little stop sign on his forehead. OMG.